What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
