Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
