I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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