Your dad touched me again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize