Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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