I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
