So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
