I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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