Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize