i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
