i think my mom watched the whole time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize