I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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