i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
