You just made me feel so damn special
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
