HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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