im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
