That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
