the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
