I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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