I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
