i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
