Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize