i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
