using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
