It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
