Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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