So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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