dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
