I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
