she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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