Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
