so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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