Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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