You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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