Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
