Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
