batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
