My nipple is on Facebook.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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