areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
