i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
