we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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