I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
