imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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