I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
