He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
