Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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