It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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