Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
