dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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