fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
