I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
