How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
