who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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