This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
