I cockslap morals
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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