I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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