I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
