how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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