guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
cat food counts as protein by the way
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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