he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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