ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm both gender and math confused
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
