Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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