So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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