one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
