so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
