love makes seman taste better
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize